The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
its not stalking. its research.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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