i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize