I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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