Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
