a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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