everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
