I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
