Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
