who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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