Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
