hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
