dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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