And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
