I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
