If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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