honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
