i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
