i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
