I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
please come you make the beer taste better
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
