Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
smell my finger.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
