I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
