Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize