and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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