Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
soo... how was my night?
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