it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
