Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
