just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
