he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
