she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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