I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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