why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
