My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
