we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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