Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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