Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
