wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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