And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
