jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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