Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
