you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
