I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
