I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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