If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
