this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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