dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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