and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
