Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
