i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
