Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
