Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
