are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
