She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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