she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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