Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
