you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
