nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
