you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
