I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
