I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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