Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
