That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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