Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
