Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Bring me that man meat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
