she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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