I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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