My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize