She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Randomize
