Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize