...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
