Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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